Dare to Give Up

Sometimes it is okay to give up.

I know, this goes against everything we've ever been taught since we were old enough to try to roll over on our own. If you type "give up" into a search engine, the list of inspirational quotes is staggering. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." "When you think about quitting, remember why you started." "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up." Sound familiar?

It takes courage to hold on and to keep trying, it takes a different type of courage to let go. Remember Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Insanity is holding onto a sinking ship and expecting that your body weight alone will keep the ocean from claiming it. Sometimes the better course of action is to simply say that you have had enough and walk away.

If you know me at all, you know I am an extremely loyal person. I don't stay mad for long and I try to rationalize away the actions of others. I hold on long after others have shaken their head. Recently I gave up on a friendship. I realized that continuing to hold on was hurting me a great deal more than it was helping the situation. It hurt to walk away. It hurt more than I can say. I still love this person dearly and somewhere deep in my heart I will hold on to the belief that someday we can work through the hell that drove us apart and be the friends we once were (What? I told you I was loyal!). But this is not someday and we don't live in a Disney movie.

Walking away takes different forms for different folks. For me it meant deleting ways to contact them and announcing out loud my intentions. For others it may be a deliberate attempt to think of other things, changing daily habits, asking a friend for help in carrying through with your plan, or starting a new hobby or activity.

Now, I am not suggesting that as soon as things get rough, you bail. Please don't hear that at all. In the microwave generation of instant everything, not giving up is a very valuable lesson. But never giving up in any situation is detrimental to someone's personal, mental, and emotional well being.

So, remember: Sometimes it is okay to give up.

An Overdue Confession

According to the American Justice Department, one in four kids will experience bullying in their lifetime. My experiences lead me to believe that 100% of the people alive today have experienced bullying in one form or another. Some have been bullied, some have been the bully, and some have experienced life on both sides. As we all know, bullying takes all sorts of forms: physical, emotional, mental, etc. There are varying degrees of bullying, ranging from severe abuse to gossip, but regardless of the form in which it takes, it leaves scars on all participating parties.

I have a confession. I have been a bully.

It happened a good while ago. There were a group of us who always hung out, drawn together by mutual interests and a similar desire to do "unpopular" things (read: not partying on the weekends). During one of these weekends a trip was planned. And one member of the group was excluded. Why they were excluded is unimportant now. Granted I did not exclude them, but I did absolutely nothing to make sure they were included either. I didn't volunteer to stay behind. I didn't try to persuade the others to include this person. I simply went along with the rest of the group and what they wanted. I rationalized it to myself the entire time. "I'm sure they'll be fine." "Most popular member of our group anyway." But it wasn't true. And I didn't find out until quite recently how untrue it was.


Now, nothing major happened as a result of what we did (I'm still friends with everyone in that group), but what I did was rude and insensitive. And what makes it worse is that I know the bitter taste of being left out quite well. I am very sensitive to the comments of others and have been hurt by similar situations in the past. And yet, when the chance came to be in with the "popular kids" I took it. Since that weekend I have worked much harder to make sure no one is left out, to sit with the loner, and to talk to the ones on the outskirts. It doesn't make up for that weekend, but it is a start.

There is no neat way to tie this up, to make all the puzzle pieces make a beautiful picture again. But I think that's okay.