I bought a new winter coat today. That might not sound noteworthy, but it's been ten years since I bought the last one. It was a great coat, a bit torn and stained now, but it survived. And I'm buying the same brand because it survived so well.Incidentally, it's also been ten years since I moved 1100 miles away from home for the first time. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago (are any of us?), but I wanted to take some time today, on my birthday, to pretend I can give some advice to that shy, apprehensive, excited, just-barely 21 year old....
1. It's okay to be scared. I know no one thinks you're scared of anything, but you and I know the truth. You're terrified. And that's okay! In fact, it's better because you're thinking things through and you're not being as devil-may-care as they believe. And sometimes - sometimes, it's okay to just jump in without thinking it through - ignore the naysayers, you'll land on your feet eventually. Say yes to the road trip, agree to the job, live out of a suitcase, try new things, move across the country (again and again and again). You've got this.
2. It's gonna take some time (about 8 years actually), but you'll find your home. I know you don't believe that there is such a thing, but there is and it's glorious. I don't want to spoil you too much, but one day you're gonna get on a plane and when you get off, you're gonna take a deep breath and you're just gonna know. Hahaha, nothing in our life is ever that easy (it actually takes a lot of false starts and quite a few tears), but I promise - you have a home and it's beautiful and more than you could possibly think to ask for right now.
3. You're about to meet some really awesome people. Give them a hug for me. Some of those people will be your friends for a lifetime and others will fade out of it. And that's a good thing. No, really it is. So love deeply and hold your friendships with a loose grip.
4. In the next ten years you are gonna work with some amazing children. It's not always gonna look like what you think it will right now and you may not change the world, but you're gonna change so many, many lives and I'm sort of envious that you have all those amazing moments ahead of you to experience.
5. It is okay to gasp at the sunset every single evening like it is the first sunset you have ever seen. It is okay to take photos of everything you find pretty. It is okay to feel like your heart is bursting when you see a beautiful panorama. It is okay to watch stupid TV shows and read dumb books and laugh at silly jokes and collect stuffed animals and write indulgent stories and try to balance on the edges of sidewalks. It's okay to climb trees and cry at happy movies and eat burnt marshmallows. It is okay to go on long walks alone and take pictures of clouds and dip your toes in the edge of the water and love so much you feel like you are about to explode. Don't worry so much about what people think of you and get out there and live.
6. Hey, listen - you're okay. You did it. You're still alive. And life is more beautiful than you can ever imagine. You'll make it there, okay? You'll survive. Life is worth it - it's so very, very worth it. I know it all sounds like empty platitudes to you right now, so I'll let it go, but I promise you this: I'll see you on the other side.
7. Life is a process. I know you're in such a hurry to get it started and I know you're gonna miss a lot by rushing it, but I implore you to slow down just a little and treasure the small moments. It's all gonna be gone so very, very quickly.
8. Your brain is different. You're not making it up. You do process the world differently. If I could give you the words for it now, I would, but I don't want to spoil it, so I'll simply say that you aren't stupid and you aren't incompetent. You have a processing disorder and you will find your own. You really will. (And no, people don't notice as much as you think they do - everyone is a little weird.)
9. You're gonna fall in love. It's not gonna look like what you think it is. I know somewhere in the back of your mind you've already guessed, but your love life isn't gonna be the straight path that you used to envision. Listen to me - no really, listen to me. You're okay. You're not damaged or broken or wrong. Loving girls isn't shameful, it isn't evil, it isn't worth your life. It's gonna hurt, my god will it hurt, but I promise you, I promise you'll be okay. Some day you'll look around and realize that you are beautiful, that life is beautiful, that love is beautiful.
10. I'm so proud of you.
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